Teaching to Serve

This is crazy long, congratulations to anyone who actually makes it to the end! I should give you a ticket!  This is just to share what is working for us now. I’d love to hear about the kinds of things you do at your house.

The problem: Lots of whining when Aaron was told to do any chore.

The goal: Teaching our children (and giving myself a good reminder) that God teaches us to serve one another with a joyful heart. By serving one another we are serving God.

Serve one another in love. Galatians 5:13 

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others. 1 Peter 4:10

So, how do we get from here to there? And, what gifts does a four year old have to serve his family?

The world is full of parenting books offering suggestions of incentive programs and the like to get your kids to do what you ask. I’m not a fan of parenting books in general because they are really someone else’s opinion and I don’t usually have the patience to read them. However, I have gleaned some perspective from some books as well as other parents and try to focus on training the heart issues and giving it to God that everything else will fall into place.

I also hesitate with incentive programs because of the issue of misplaced obedience. Are our children obeying us because they are having obedient hearts or are they obeying because they get something? It’s one I still struggle with, but we have decided that we all work for something and children will learn the intrinsic rewards later, right?? I don’t know, I’m not there yet. This is what is working now and I do think we are still able to focus on the heart issue of serving. Also, he is still expected to obey mommy and daddy the first time with a happy heart on any other things we ask him to do (or stop doing is usually the case).

So, in an attempt to get from here to there, we’ve been using a new system to help teach Aaron responsibility and serving at home. It’s a hybrid using the chore pack idea from the Duggar’s book 20 and Counting (she got the idea from Managers of Their Chores) and Accountable Kids system that I saw recently at the homeschool conference.

About a year ago I made Aaron (he was about 3 1/2)  his first chore pack. It’s just a chore printed on notecards, laminated and attached with a key ring. He looks at these chores in the morning and is reminded on what he needs to do (is the idea, anyway). My main goal from this original chore pack was to get him to wake up and put his clothes on instead of coming down in PJs (or nothing at all) and staying that way until it was time to go somewhere and we were scrambling to get ready. I put other chores in there such as making his bed and picking up his room. However, I wasn’t consistent enough with encouraging the other chores. But, he did learn to come downstairs with his clothes on while I was knee-deep in taking care of 7 month old twins, so despite the failures, I declared it a success.

Fast forward to the past few weeks, Aaron is 4 1/2 and ready to take on and learn about more responsibility. So, I was very interested in the system I saw at the homeschool conference. Basically, children do their chores, they get tickets they can use for whatever works for you, and there are extra chores that they can use to earn money. The Accountable Kids has this little peg board system they sell for $30. But, I always look for the cheap way out before spending money, so the wheels started turning.

The chore pack had worked before, so I combined that system with earning tickets and money. The chores I chose this time just addressed things about the house that needed to be done and I thought he could handle (the gifts he has to serve with right now). These chores will change as he is able to handle others and the younger ones get their own chores to do. And, maybe then mommy can finish a cup of coffee before it gets cold???

Here’s how it works…

Aaron has three chores to do in the morning, three in the afternoon and three in the evening.

Morning Chores:   1. Make bed and tidy room

                                   2. Eat breakfast and brush teeth

                                   3. Water the plants

 

Afternoon Chores: 1. Pick up toys

                                    2. Take out recycling

                                    3. One hour of quiet time

 

Evening Chores:     1. Pick up toys

                                    2. Take out recycling

                                    3. Pick up back yard

1. Tickets… After each set of chores is completed, Aaron earns a ticket to add to the stash. He gets to save and spend these tickets on a TV show or computer time.

2. Sticker chart…At the end of the day if he has received all three tickets, he gets to put up a sticker to earn a date with mommy or daddy. I set this at 15 stickers, so he can get out by himself once or twice a month for an ice cream cone or a trip to the park without mommy or daddy having to chase his little brothers.

3. Extra Chores…He also has a set of extra chores outside of his packet that he can do to earn 10 cents each. The one he’s done mostly is cleaning up the sandbox, because that’s the most fun one. I’m hoping he tries and likes scrubbing the toilets and dusting soon! He puts his dime into his piggy bank and is able to save for whatever he’d like.

I got crafty and came up with this place to keep track of the chore charts, tickets, extra chores and stickers. I laminated the 12x12 paper and stitched the two together to create pockets to keep everything. If I had any sewing skills, I might have sewed something similar.

I’ve found that if I set a timer, he gets more motivated to complete his chores. Who knew? He is excited to check the time throughout his chore and try to beat the clock. Again, misplaced obedience? I don’t know, it’s working.

So, how is it working overall? We’ve been doing it about a week and here are some observations.

1. Doing his chores without grumbling: Well, most of the time. Serving with a joyful heart all of the time is one I definitely struggle with, so I keep encouraging him on this one. But, it definitely is getting better.

2. Learning about saving, spending and couponing: The first day, he spent the tickets as soon as he earned them to watch a show or play on his computer. But, he soon found out that his daily habit of watching a show before quiet time wasn’t going to work unless he had saved a ticket. So, one day he skipped TV and the computer and saved up tickets to be able to use later. We had a very quiet 4th of July at home and he spent a large chunk of his day being a couch and computer potato. But, we all need days like this sometimes!

On the first few days he kept saying he wanted to watch a show and keep his tickets. Sorry honey, I wish I could go to HEB, buy groceries and keep all the money too, but that’s not the way it works.

He was able to take two of the dimes he earned and a two $1 off one Hot Wheels coupons daddy found on-line (sorry, they’re all gone now or I’d put a link here) and take a trip to Target to get two Hot Wheels for 10 cents each. I loved his reaction when I told him that coupon was worth 10 dimes (10 extra chores!).

 

Above is a picture of Aaron at Target with his two dimes, two coupons and two Hot Wheels cars he had picked out. Notice the disappointed look on his face as he laments about wanting the packages with three Hot Wheels cars instead. Sorry sweetie, you haven’t earned enough money for those.

3. Learning about addition and counting by tens: Each time he is given a ticket or a dime, we count what he has and how much it would be to add one more.

4. Learning about honesty and earning vs. stealing: On about the second day of this program, he took my stash of tickets and said he was just going to take one. So, we got to have a little chat about how he is expected to earn the tickets and how just taking what you haven’t earned is stealing.

5. The house is all picked up at the end of the day! While Aaron is doing his evening chores, it motivates me to get the kitchen totally finished. It’s so much easier to start the next day on a clean slate. Of course, it doesn’t take long for the whirlwind of toys and dishes to pile up, but I like to try to stay ahead of the storm.

That’s about it. I’m not anticipating this working forever, but, again, it’s working for now. I’m sure our needs as a family will change as the other kids get older and we’ll adjust. It’s a wild ride!